"Real" Pants and Showering are Overrated: Amy Comes Home
On April 27, 2009 I was admitted to the hospital. On April 28, 2009 I had surgery and 4 days
later on May 2, 2009 I went home. I was
excited and nervous. Happy to be leaving
the hospital, my crazy roommate, the terrible food, the bed alarms, the 2AM
blood pressure checks, the smell of... sterile.
Nervous to not have doctors checking in on me, nurses at the call of a
button, drugs to be injected for instant relief, putting pants on again. But everyone felt it was time to go
home. So armed with half dozen
prescriptions for everything from Oxycontin to steroids, I went home.
I decided I wanted to stay at my house instead of
shacking up with my parents during my recovery.
After all, I have a 50 inch flat screen TV, every movie channel, countless DVDs and an over-sized super comfortable couch. I did have to ask Amanda to “parent proof”
the house. Not that we had anything that
bad in there, but still, you don’t want your mother to find anything…
questionable.
It was also decided that I would not be sleeping in my
bed – which is on the second floor of the house – but instead in Amanda’s room
– on the main floor. My mom – at her
request – slept on the couch... Yes,it is that comfortable. And we
were one big happy family.
I was on a lot of drugs. Two different pain pills everyone 4 hours,
steroids, and two other medications specifically for my condition. I was still in some pain and not quite “with
it.” I basically slept and ate. When I wasn’t in my (sister’s) bed, I was on
the couch. If I wasn’t in either of those
places I was in the bathroom and that was about it. Everything I did was slow and delayed –
including interacting with people. I
didn’t move much. I was just kind of
present. And I slept. A lot.
Like, 18 hours a day. I was like
a small child or cat. Except I don’t
poop myself or lick myself clean – well, most of the time, anyway.
I also was never alone for very long in the first few
weeks I was home. My mom had taken time
off of work to stay with me. My dad came
over and my older sister – who worked from home – stayed with me as well. Amanda even stayed home a few
times to sit with me. A few friends came
and saw me while I was recovering and I always felt bad I wasn’t more
entertaining. Though, I am sure some of
the things that came out of my mouth on all those drugs were probably
entertaining.
There wasn’t much to be happy or excited about while I
was home – except that I was home. But
there was the fact that I wore sweat pants all the time – which is pretty much
a dream come true for me. And I didn’t
really shower much – I couldn’t quite muster up the energy to stand for that
long. But when you are going from the
bed, to the couch and back to bed with a few pit stops to the bathroom, there
isn’t much need to wear real pants or wash yourself. Besides, real pants - the kinds with zippers and buttons and back pockets - and showering - the kinds with water and soap on a rope - are overrated. And I was more than happy to take comfort in
that.





Can I make a request for a recap? Basically just a timeline from the beginning to now. Could be just for me or another post (I think anyone else following might appreciate it).
If you're interested, once your whole story has been told, I'd be glad to put them all together into one narrative. Basically just proofreading, making corrections (mostly for the posts I'm guessing you wrote when you could barely see), etc. Don't ask me why, but it seems like it might be fun for me.
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Sure, I can put together a recap - I'll post it this week. It seems some folks are a little confused, too as far as timing goes, so I will explain and let people know that these were written a few weeks back and I am posting one a day until I get caught up - which should be in the next 2 weeks and then I will be in "real time."
And Ryan, are you asking to be my editor for when someone stumbles upon this blog and decides that this should be made into a funny, yet poignant autobiographical type book? You want to reap the benefits and say you edited my masterpiece? Sure, but only if when I go on a country-wide book tour you come along and bring me smoothies and white cheddar popcorn whenever I ask.
Or is it that my writing is just so so horrific that you have trouble reading it because you are correcting my grammar every 2 seconds?
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Yes, I am thinking purely about profit. In my employed days, I would often make trips by myself to Oberweis for a milkshake or smoothie, so I think I could work that into my schedule. Shit, when I lived across from Dairy Queen in Ypsi, it was worse. And I 20 pounds heavier.
I must admit I am a bit of a spelling/grammar Nazi (I proofread propaganda in second great war), even though I still get confused about comma placement. In my first apartment, my friend left me a note. After reading it, I went over it with a red pen noting the errors. Many years later she made an offhand comment that "She could go the rest of her life without seeing a note of hers marked up in red ink". Since then I have laid off a bit, mostly keeping comments of the nature to myself. Unless, of course, I don't know the offender personally. Then I unleash hell.
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I, for one, am super glad you are showering again. Just sayin'.
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