I am quickly approaching my 10 year high school reunion and I honestly cannot wait.  The past weeks I have been inundated with - and inundating - friend requests from - and to - my dear high school chums on Facebook.  As I reminisce about how wonderful (and at times tragic) high school was, I am reminded about how tragic (and at times wonderful) grade school was. 

I am not exactly sure why I was terrorized in grade school and I am going to bet that I was not the only one.  My mom used to tell me it was because these psychological bullies were jealous of me.  After I found an old grade school "bully" on MySpace, I am going to guess that my mom - as per usual - was probably right:

Dear Girl Who Terrorized Me In Grade School Who Shall Remain Unnamed,

It has recently come to my attention that after you accused a beloved teacher of molesting you and then immediately moved to the Texas that you did not in fact burn in the Waco Texas Massacre involving David Koresh.  Instead you dropped out of high school to pursue a career in modeling. 

From what I understand you have successfully climbed your way to the middle.  Way to go!  You're now a not so well known LA socialite.  You have been linked to semi successful musicians, clean faced models and most recently mildly famous former American Idol contestants.  You even have your own video on YouTube.  I watched it and I could not be more embarrassed for you – I felt as though I was living out an uncomfortable episode of The Office.  Congratulations, you are officially an idiot. 

What happened?  Is this because during an argument we once we had over who was better at free throw shooting, I yelled, "At least I have a dad!"?  Even though I was a way better free throw shooter, when my mom made me be the better person and apologize, I really did mean it.  

OMG, is this because you don't have a dad?!

So, after successfully cutting me down for a good portion of my tenure in grade school, and making me cry on more than one occasion and possibly being the root cause of my insecurities and any self esteem issues I may have had, you have now made me feel better about myself.

And, being the nice person that I actually am, I do feel a little bad for you.  After all, you are pushing 30 and while you may have a hot body and a non ugly face (which is to say that while you are not ugly you aren't gorgeous, either), it won't last forever.  No, you may not need "g'ometry" as you state in your video, but you do need to some sort of education to truly succeed in not just this world, but life in general.

You may walk the red carpet from time to time but I least I walk with my head held high with my dignity.

Yours not so bitterly,

Amy  Ruud