Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Last night I was disturbed to hear that mere days after your release from a rehabilitation facility as well as your 21^st birthday you were arrested for driving while under the influence of alcohol and possession of a controlled substance.  Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay… We all had such high hopes that your release and your willingness to wear a probationary alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet (mind you, this is was your idea and not mandated by the judge) was a sign that you were truly "cured."  That you were making an effort to show everyone you're turning your life around and working hard towards a full recovery.

I understand that your assistant had just quit hours before your arrest.  I know how upset I get when my assistants quit on me.  But try meditation, or eating a cheeseburger, some French fries and a frosty.  You really can't go wrong with the Wendy's Super Value Menu when you are feeling down. Lindsay, I am saddened and disappointed in you.

What happened?  You used to be cute.  I mean, I could pretty much stand both of you in The Parent Trap.  And I hated you so much less than Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday.  And although you were upstaged by the less controversial Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls, it is still tops in my books.

Lindsay, I am not so much concerned with your work, I am concerned about your well being… Although how will you promote "I Know Who Killed Me?"  I know who killed you Lindsay – you did.  Do you really want to go down the road that so many young celebrities have traveled?  Sure it worked out well for Drew Barrymore (with the exception of flashing David Letterman and marrying Tom Green).  And while Kurt Cobain, Biggie Smalls, TuPac Shakur and Chris Farley rose to eternal stardom and became household names after their untimely deaths – is that the life (or lack there of) you are striving towards?  Eternal stardom due to death is not a guarantee.  Look at Dana Plato and Johnathan Brandis (although I hear the dolphins miss him).

Lindsay, I am done feeling bad for you.  I feel bad for those who still have faith in you and I feel bad for the thousands who girls who look up to you.  I feel bad for the employees of your rehab facility who devoted countless hours to you and your recovery.  I feel bad for me, who has to see your mug shot all over the damn place.

There are so many people who want to be famous, I used to be one of them.  But if that means pulling the stunts that you seemed to have mastered then, in the immortal words of James Van Der Beek in Varsity Blues, "I don't want your life."

Sincerely,