For those of you who are confused as to my current status or for those of you who are new to my blog and have no idea what is going on or for those of you who just like to read what I write – this is for you!

In my line of business we use a lot of buzz words like “circle back,” “follow up,” “touch base” and even the ever popular “under a bus.”  If you have ever seen me do stand up, I have come up with funny and some what accurate definitions for this corporate jargon.  (If you have not seen me do stand up – look for me hitting the stage again in a couple of months – I promise!)  At the risk of over using these buzz words outside of the workplace and at the risk of “overusing” quotation marks where quotation marks are “not needed,” I wanted to take a moment to “circle back” with you all on a few things and provide a “status update” as to where I was, where I am and where I would like to be with my condition.

Some of you have seen me around town – doing things like drinking and driving – separately of course, not at the same time and are unclear as to how I can be fresh off of surgery, not showering or wearing pants and yet playing beer pong or dancing at a Dave Matthews Band concert.

The facts are these:

These posts were written not as they were happening, but shortly thereafter.  Many of them at the same time and I am just now posting them – one a day until I catch up with myself.

I expect to be posting in “real time” in the next few weeks – probably not every day, but close to it.

Once I catch up with myself, I will be posting not only on my recovery and the challenges I am facing moving to the next step, but getting to the good stuff as well – Writing letters (see the first few posts I did if you want to know what the letters are about), maybe some movie reviews and some new comedy type material – like how I annoy and scare my neighbors – complete with photos.

I started writing posts as they were happening when I returned to work on July 1, 2009.  So those posts will be a little more “fresh” since they were written as they happened.  When I post them, I will include a “Written on” date.

Here is a quick timeline for you:

End of Feb 2009 – I got a headache.  Like, a really really bad headache and they were happening daily.  It was around this time I realized that these headaches were not normal and I set up an appointment with my doctor.

March 16, 2009 – Met with my doctor who seemed unconcerned with my headaches but ordered blood tests and an MRI.

March 23, 2009 – First time I realized MRIs are like giant techno music machines.  First time I ever removed the piercing I have in that little piece of my ear that protects the hole.

March 30, 2009 – Doctor tells me the MRI and blood tests are all normal.  To which I said, “Great!  But I am not normal.”  Doctor diagnosis’s me with migraines.

For the next 2 weeks, I start to get worse.  Headaches are worse and the pain has moved to my upper shoulders and back.  Ringing in my ears starts.  My vision graying out when I stand or bend over gets worse.

April 10, 2009 – Meet with my eye doctor and go over symptoms.  He immediately diagnosis’s me with pseudotumor cerebri (also known as intracranial hypertension). 

At this point, I can still see pretty well, though my vision field test shows blind spots in my peripheral vision.

April 13, 2009 – Meet with neurologist who orders a second MRI and a spinal tap.

April 14, 2009 – Second MRI completed.  Had to refrain from bringing glow sticks and a pacifier with me.

April 16, 2009 – First spinal tap.  First time I saw my brain fluid.

April 18, 2009 – I now have blurry and double vision and decided to stop driving.  Amanda becomes my chauffer.

April 20, 2009 – Neurologist calls me back and concurs with diagnosis of pseudotumor cerebri and prescribes a medication for me.  I explain my vision issues and the doctor tells me to take the pills and that I’ll be fine. 

Noon April 22, 2009 – I go home early from work because I do not feel well – bad reaction to the drugs.  Last day of work – unbeknownst to me – for 10 weeks.

April 23, 2009 – Admitted to the ER because I could not keep anything “down” (that’s the nice of way saying I was puking my brains out for 24 hours straight).

April 24, 2009 – Released from the hospital.  Told the doctors my vision was worse, they told me to keep taking the pills.

That weekend my vision got even worse, to the point where all I could see were shapes and light and dark.

April 28, 2009 – Go back to the eye doctor who tells me I need to go directly to the hospital for surgery to relieve pressure that is being put on my brain and my optic nerves – causing my “blindness.”

April 29, 2009 – I have surgery.  A shunt is placed in my lower back at the base of my spine.  The shunt drains fluid from my brain, down my spine, around my side and deposits the fluid into my abdomen.  I have 3 incisions from the surgery and about 40 staples.

I am now in the hospital where I throw up on a nurse, am convinced my roommate is trying to kill me, don’t like the food and am doped up on all sorts of drugs.

May 2, 2009 – I am released from the hospital and head home.

At this point the headaches are pretty much gone, so is the ringing in my ears and my vision is already starting to improve.

May 4, 2009 – First follow up with eye doctors – miraculous improvement.

May 8, 2009 – I have my staples removed by something that actually looks like a staple remover – weird.

Over the next few weeks I am at home recovering.  My days are spent either in bed or laying on the couch.  I am going to see at least one of my three doctors about once a week.  I am on all sorts of drugs and eating very little.  Friends and family are visiting with me and I am relearning how to live a normal life.  All of this will come up in future posts.

July 1, 2009 – I return to work after being gone for 10 weeks.  I have 25000 emails.  I erase all but 3 of them.

My eye sight is better, but not 100% recovered.  I still have blind spots in my peripheral vision and some dark spots, but it is manageable.

July 16, 2009 – I am given the all clear to start driving again.  My eye doctor informs me that the swelling of my optics is completely gone and he expects my sight to continue to get better – though slowly – over the next 9 months.

Today – July 30, 2009 – Things are good.  I am getting back into the routine of life.  I am going out – without freaking out – I am working and even working out again, and of course I am back to some of my old hijinx.  Physically I feel really good, though I have some aches and pains here and there.  My vision is still recovering, though everyday I think it is getting better and better.  Or I am just getting used to it. 

My recovery – of my eyes especially – is going to be long.  I need to be patient and I need to focus on getting myself physically healthy – which will help my condition overall as well as my vision. 

So there you have it – there is my “status update” for you.  Feel free to “follow up” with me in person if you want to discuss it any further.  Otherwise, I will continue to post something daily and eventually we’ll all be at the same place in time. 

In the meantime, thanks for reading and be sure to keep reading.  I will try and keep things light and airy and funny.

WhenI was in the fourth grade curiosity got the best of me.  I wish I could say this was the first and thelast time, but it wasn’t and i won't be.  Anyway, mycuriosity about the inner workings of an uncovered manual pencil sharpener gotthe best of me and a couple of my fingers. I will spare you the gory details, but let’s just say my teacher freakedout at the amount of blood pouring out my fingers as she abandoned the rest ofthe classroom and rushed me down the hall to the bathroom yelling, “Why onearth would you stick your fingers in the pencil sharpener!?”  Needless to say, I spent the rest of the daywith my hand above my head in the principal’s office – which was also thenurse’s office, only we didn’t really have a nurse.  Two of my fingers were torn to shreds and Iwas slightly disappointed they didn’t look more like a pencils once thebleeding stopped.  It didn’t take longfor my fingers to heal and I have no scars from that experience – except maybean irrational fear of uncovered manual pencil sharpeners.  There are two points to this story – yes,sometimes my stories have a point or two. There is nothing wrong with curiosity – just be careful where you stickyour fingers; and wounds – scrapes, bumps, bruises – heal.  Most of the time, pretty quickly.  The same is true of surgery incisions,headaches, ringing in the ears, palsy and swollen optic nerves. 

Duringmy first week home from the hospital, I had follow up appointments with mydoctors.  I was only home for 3 daysbefore I saw my eye doctor in his office for the first time.  I was still on copious amounts of drugs andnot moving very quickly, so leaving the house was a bit of challenge.  And I was pleased when I didn’t have to puton real pants, which, as you know, I believe are totally overrated, but Idigress. 

AndI guess curiosity got the best of my parents too, who at one point during theappointment pulled out what seemed like a shopping list for a small army butwas actually a list of questions for the doctor.  Looks like Big Jon has been on the internetlately, Googling his little heart out about my condition and my recovery.  My condition, to him, was like an uncoveredpencil sharpener to me (I would like to thank those little vocab. books I hadto fill out for years in school for that analogy).  Luckily, my amazing doctor sat therepatiently and answered all of my parent’s questions – all 187 questions.  Apparently my doctor is much more patientthan a pencil sharpener.  At one point mydad asked if I had something specific – I don’t even remember what – and mydoctor said yes, I did have signs of whatever it was he was asking about.  My mom turned to my dad and said, “What isthat again?” To which my dad answered, “I don’t know, but she has it.”  Thank God with all the limitation with my eyesI still had the ability to roll them.

Aftermy parents were done, my doctor turned to me and asked if I had any questionsto which I said, “Um, no I think my parents covered everything – and thensome.”  It’s good to have curious andinformed parents, I guess.  I wouldn’thave thought to ask 90% of the questions they did – but put a cylinder of razorblades that move in a circle in front me and I have no problem sticking myfingers in.  I am sure they didn’t needto ask 50% of the questions they did.  Butat the same time, I probably could have gotten a good idea as to how a pencilsharpener worked by looking at it as opposed to sticking my fingers in it, buthey, now I know.